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BJD74
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Posted: 18 May 2011 08:01 pm |
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Last edited on 18 May 2011 08:03 pm by BJD74
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BJD74
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 18 May 2011 08:02 pm |
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167.2 down finally and glad for it. been trying very hard to get back on track. saturday i sat down in dismay thinking about how it happened, how did i gain back this weight? did i get too busy? did i get too tired, depressed, injured? so many things to consider in this downslide...but i have been getting workouts in, staying away from foods that i shouldnt eat and making a newly conscious effort.
today, i got into the pool! how exciting! HOW COLD! not the best day to try it out, but i really wanted to see how it felt to float again. this is a 10x20 foot pool, so i did 53 laps on the 20ft length. cant say how that computes but i did it. i need ear plugs, i have goggles, that leak! i forget how they leak back from college when i had swimming class. i had my cap too! lol..i put it all on, but the ear already is filled and hurting a bit. but i am happy to have swum today. :)
my dad called too. he has informally asked me if mj and i are interested in coming with them to Ca for their vacation coming up from june 11-25th. i said id be honored. the house has a pool and jacuzzi. if we were doing this, i would not have mj's birthday party that i have been thinking about for months. i am still so uncertain about many aspects, like 4 dogs we have nowhere to lock up for 4 hours, and how many people, how much it will cost, because kids wont get left by parents, even if they know me from helping in class, also i have to extend invites to all the kids in her class, regardles of whether they are really friends...its only fair and its teacher policy, and we arent in a financial position to have 23 kids here, plus 2 poss parents each....so, this would be an excellent way out of it. I am planning to discuss it further with D, he had originally said that he would be ok with us going with them months ago when initial conversations started about a vacation. i would love the chance to get away with them, my mom has been sad lately, she has been very emotional, and very happy with D for his playhouse building, the pool and getting it all set up for us in such an efficient manner. she said she has officially adopted him as her son and was crying and hugging all over the place.
school is over friday, then its summer. so many things i would love to do but the time and money arent really available, and d will be working so much now that he is the shop foreman, he is working 2 6 day weeks then 1 5 day week....and on and on....please let the commissions make up for the lesser pay lord...
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BJD74
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 18 May 2011 08:02 pm |
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Last edited on 18 May 2011 08:03 pm by BJD74
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Hiker
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 18 May 2011 11:17 pm |
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Hey BJD, things are sounding pretty good right now. Glad your feeling happy.
That vacation with your parents sounds like a lot of fun, and I bet she would like having her birthday while on vacation, it would be fun for her. But just for future, I think the teacher is only talking about when invites are given in class, what you do on your own is really up to you...at least I sure would think so. I can't imagine everyone would want that many 5/6 year olds running around. In fact I would think 6 or 7 would be plenty. In any case, maybe I'm wrong, it's been a long time since I had little ones.
Anyway, hope you take your parents up on their offer, it sure is a nice one.
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BJD74
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 6 June 2011 10:21 pm |
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we are goin on the trip with my folks. we leave this friday nite for 16 days. i will have my laptop, skype to talk with D and pay bills etc on the 24th and all should be ready for us to leave. I am worried about plants, watering, the 5 dogs, etcetc if he will have enough of the things he enjoys to eat etcetc.....God will provide.
we are having a small gathering tomrrow evening when D and my mom are done with work, here at the house. I got MJ a Pinata, its a yellow and orange seahorse.. got some wrapped candy. I also have a marble cake, some decorative frosting, plates, etc...its gona be us and my folks, maybe my brother T but that is all. I dont want a huge gathering, D is already feeling bluesy so i dont want to make it that we get even less time together before we go. We went to our neighbors retirement party yesterday, it was good. I am glad we went, the neighbors all like us, missed MJ but we just get so wrapped up in weekend projects that we dont visit alot. I am glad we went. I didnt eat too badly, had one dish of the things i wanted and 2 litte desert things. no soda! :)
today, went back to get last minute items i couldnt get at Costco on friday for the house. I spent too much money, but i am so nervous about leaving him for so long....i just want it all to be ok while we are away.
163.2 today, after being busy all day, not eating anything just drinking....lol..i know, kinda cheating, but hey i will take it!! it keeps me moving forward! :)
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Hiker
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Posted: 6 June 2011 10:38 pm |
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BJD74 wrote: we are goin on the trip with my folks. we leave this friday nite for 16 days. i will have my laptop, skype to talk with D and pay bills etc on the 24th and all should be ready for us to leave. I am worried about plants, watering, the 5 dogs, etcetc if he will have enough of the things he enjoys to eat etcetc.....God will provide.
today, went back to get last minute items i couldnt get at Costco on friday for the house. I spent too much money, but i am so nervous about leaving him for so long....i just want it all to be ok while we are away.
BJD, D is a big boy, go and have fun. How many times have you taken care of the plants, the dogs, cooked supper for the family and you had MJ to watch at the same time. Belive me he may play helpless but he will deal.
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BJD74
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 9 June 2011 09:20 pm |
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Thanks Hiker! :) I need that sort of feedback to give me strength to go!!!!! I am packed, MJ is packed. I am wrapping up details and trying my best to get it ready for us to be gone. I think the pups are freaking out since there are suitcases at the door! :) LOL
i havent had a chance to workout much this week. my wt is 166 today. :( but that is ok.
the sad realization that i am not the same size i was last summer was when i put on some clothes i had gotten last year and they are tight around my hips and belly. :(
i put them away and pulled out the new things to enjoy instead...i have time to get that back. :)
lova ya!
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Hiker
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 12 June 2011 10:16 pm |
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| You are not alone, I can't even get into my cloths from last summer but I am just using that to motivate me to stick to my health eating plan. Don't worry while you are on vacation, you can deal with it when you get back. Enjoy.
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BJD74
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 15 June 2011 04:24 pm |
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hee hee hiker, that is so funny because i am trying to enjoy the visit, but i am also trying to workout...LMAO...and its not worth it to make the rest of them go along. Its been a lot of mj wanting to be at the beach making sand castles but its not conducive to getting a big walk in. We have had quite a bit of setbacks at the house, and its been a challenge...but we are trying to make the best of it. My folks are seasoned home renters now for vacation so they are rolling with it, but me, i am struggling not to speak up and say HEY>>>>>>RENTER MAN< WTF???? lmao
the scale here is stuck at around 170, and i was down to the 166 before we left, but geez...its tough to be good on vacation!!! :P
my shorts from last year are tight, thank god for long shirts!! LOL
the ocean is lovely. the fog is awesome! the crowds are all Europeans, and there are cars everywhere and dogs. I love all the green lush around us. THe first nite, our lovely Labby girl took a trip down the creek behind our house here and was missing for over 6 hours. We were distraught of course, but when we got home around midnight after giving up finding her, went to eat at the wharf and in tears and sadness we drove up to the house to find our girl sitting on the driveway. OH REJOICE! AMEN! She has been humbled. At the house, with D, he has the 5 dogs...and well, yesterday he had to go home from work in the morning because the teenage neighbor called D all spazzing out saying all our dogs were in her yard....OH MY GOSH!..........I panicked from CA let me assure you but on the inside i was thinking that i dont want any of them back!! Too much trouble!!! After Lucy running away....????? really??? no more dogs!!!
Luckily, D came home to find 4 strays, 2 in our yards, 2 in their yards, Dartagnon, Porthos and ZUZU in our house sleeping. Zeke and Jezebelle were nowhere to be found and all her dogs were fine. Later on Z and J came back without a scratch and were quite proud of themselves. D called the shelter and the guy came to take the 4 strays. OI. He is definately AWARE of how much WORK i do all the time at home, and its only been a few days....LMAO......he has seen the light! LOL
I did manage a morning of pilates from memory the other day, I did have a nice walk and playtime with the dogs yesterday at Mandelay Beach and I have swum and played in the icey cold swimming pool out back. LOL...i am not sitting around just eating, but my tummy sais i am!!!
:)
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BJD74
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 29 June 2011 05:15 pm |
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saturday headed home, long drive, got into town at 4am sunday morning. The house was ok, but the poor yards, my new trees, shrubs etc are toast. I am trying in vain and desperation to save them. D claims to have watered but with all the "grief" he was giving me DAILY for the dogs, well, he couldnt have spent much time, the ground is hard, wind or no wind, they needed more water. I am glad to be home but I sure do miss the ocean, the fog and the cooler weather.
sunday didnt do nothing but move suitcases into house, sorted things a little but mostly rested all day.
monday back to real life. had to get two tires on my car, one bald and other just no good anymore, plus mj is suffering from an ear infection, swimmers ear and i didnt do much that day but clean the house, put all the clothes away, wash laundry and tried to water.
tuesday took mj to the doctor, went to walmart for a new sprinkler, fought with her over what she wants etc....she has been totally ruined by my folks. we are back at square one in regards to getting her to say please, thank you, can i have, and not want all that she sees. still very tired, run down and i think possibly depressed over how much challenge i had to face in regards to mj and my folks and D's #%@&! attitude while i was away..... whenever i said no, my dad would say yes let her do it....hence the double ear infection! :(
So, i was supposed to go to a concert tonite, wednesday with D and our friend and take mj to my folks for an overnite stay but the dr said no water for 10 days and well, knowing how easy they are, and how they hate to say no to her, and they have a hot tub she loves to play in....so to stop this i pulled out and i am staying home with her. D is very upset but understands. I have to go with my gutt and my gutt sais stay home, care for her, get her better so she can play again in the pool. D wants me to make my folks feel badly since i am giving up a concert to stay home, because they cant regulate her and i cant risk her getting into the hot tub getting her ears all wet etc.....
anyway, sorry to let that out, i really need to let it out before it sucks me in, i ate all kinds of junk last nite all the way up till 1030pm! :( i miss clam chowder and sourdough bread the most. Today I gave the front and backyards a thorough watering again, walked the hose around the trees, i have been working on it since 7am and its 11 now.
we are also giving Zeke my blue pitty away to our neighbors parents as they need a smaller well behaved "guard" dog at their house, mom is sick and dad is not well either and they need a smaller smart dog. I am sad but i have to simplify because i simply cannot bear to hear D b*&^& and moan about them anymore. I would like to keep him, but he is a digger, he has gotten out and ran amuck for the day and returned, but the insecurity i feel over it all has got to change....I hope and pray it will workout for him and this new family. he will be going to them tonite. I guess its better D wont be here so that he doesnt see me get upset and possibly internally resent that his patience is so lacking. He was such a baby while i was gone, every day i heard some grief and often he got our day all rouled up too. His attitude was #%@&!. I am trying to get around it, I am trying not to stress over money etc..and how he is always working so late and to add to it all sister in law and her son want to come down the last week of July.......
I dont want them too. Is that terribly selfish????
i will attempt to get my butt back into workout mode here soon. I am going to do some pilates i think. My toe is still recovering from the incident in california so no closed toed shoes yet....and no real hard impact yet. Each time a dog steps on the toe i scream so i am not out of the woods yet....LOL...
i have no idea of my weight, i am scared to step on the scale. i need to get back into working out and not being down. maybe i am just coming off the high of the vacation. i am so overwhelmed with the condition of the yards, all the work i have put into getting them happy and green....just gone to the crapper....i hope i can revive all of it.
mj is on two medications for a tempanic membrane infection and canal infection of her ear, 10 days of medication and no pool or water for 10 days also. its gonna be a long ten days!
the ocean was amazing, mj is a natural water kid, the food was awesome, the views, the pier the fog, the green all over the place growing in abundance was just lovely...i really miss that.
i guess i am happy to be home, but adjustment is hard, mj is being totally ratty to me, 2 weeks of conflict with my folks and my wishes just made it so hard, we are on day 3 of being back and she is getting back on track but she has started to say no to me and its so awful.....ugh....
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Nancy_in_GA
Moderator
| Joined: | 8 January 2009 |
| Location: | NE, Georgia USA |
| Posts: | 1850 |
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Posted: 30 August 2011 01:27 pm |
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Wow, BJ, 161.6 You are rocking in the challenge!
Are you doing anything different in diet or exercise?
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BJD74
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 23 September 2011 03:51 pm |
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geez o pete Nance, sorry i didnt know you had sent me a message! :) i am really working on fat and carbs and eating less, doin more. as hard as i try, its so easy to fall off the wagon, and the guilt i lay on my shoulders when i dont do just perfect is tough...but i am dealing and working out and trying to improve. My hip has really hindered my workouts, so i am definately eating less to cover that loss. I am seeing the ortho doctor on oct 12, hopefully i can start to heal properly...until then its icy hot, strong pain pills and rest.....ugh..hate it!!! but hate feeling bad so much more!!!
i am very excited to say that i am now down to 158.6! its been over 2 years now since i was that weight again. :) makes me feel really great, esp since i am not working out so much these days.....
:)
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BJD74
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 5 March 2012 04:24 pm |
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been too many months since i have been here keeping myself accountable. too many months. so much has happened, the auto accident in october, the stomach issues thru november caused by pain killers, the worry the strife, the pain....and thats just my personal being. I dont talk about D and his stressors, MJ and school pressure for me to have her be the best she can be, pushing her always, wanting her to be good at all she does, and wondering all the while if i am trying to impress her or if i am seeking recognigtion from her teachers that i am doing a super job because this is my full time job? do i get a review soon for my performance? i know it is foolish to think that way but i am so concerned with what the school, teachers, etc think of me, as if it matters? will I ever get the opportunity to look at my life and say "what the heck? who cares what others think?"
I dont know it that is in my cards to ever feel like that but its a nice thought. as much as i try to release that idea from my mind, it appears to be permanantly burned onto my brains daily thought process.
the workouts have been minimal, if at all. The food has been expansive, to say the least. The stress hasnt been lessened in any way, its just a new type of stress, new job, new grade, new demands, new problems with the house, ever changing prices on gas, food etc....its so overwhelming. Its just life, and i have been blessed to have this life, but i dont know how to just "BE"
I stepped on the scale after a gluttonous weekend, friend over friday, pizza and crazy bread, sodas, sweets, normal food for normal people....(i often forget i am NOT NORMAL in the situations)...saturday i had liquids all day until i got a headache and couldnt do anymore and then i pigged out on steak fries, pulled pork, beef brisquit, baked beans and chips and salsa, oh and yes, a coke. sunday, not too much better, ate some brown rice sushi rolls, popcorn, reduced fat wheat thins (Which is really FUTILE if you eat more than one serving!?!?), then for dinner i had baked beans, and a cranberry salad (whole cranberries, orange and apples with walnuts)....needless to say, last nite i got sick as a dog. LOL...wolfed the cookies big time. I am hurting my body, it is possible I ate something bad, maybe the sushi had expired (it was store bought)....i dont know....you would think that I want to stop this cycle, but instead i simply want to eat.
D is also leaving for 2 weeks on the 19th. He is on his way to Orlando for work, he will be doing a cleanup up the shop, getting them up to speed i guess. I am about to see how it was without me around last summer! LOL...He is doing super well at work, he is enjoying it and the money is getting better. We decided to cancel my settlement program, because we simply couldnt bear to put out almost 500 a month, and we only had 3 credit cards left which are still all at the creditors and i can pull them back in and use them by setting up a payment plan eventually, or i can just let them slip away...i dont really care anymore, i have no job, so why do i feel the need for credit? i really dont. its bad news to have credit. i dont need the temptation! I also have to go to court next week for a speeding ticket, since my record is clean, the officer advised me to get to court and get a deferral of 90 days, and hopefully i wont have to pay a huge fine! UGH...my own mistake, my own inability to keep my cool, be calm and not drive fast when i am upset. LOL...
I have really got to get my butt back on track. I need to find my focus again. It seems to have fallen away over the last few months. I was doing well! I was maintaining between 156 and 160, after going all the way up to 170 in June last summer. I know I can lose it again, its just a bummer that each day i have to make conscious good decisions and cant seem to just enjoy life and relax a little....?????
anyway, enough to cry and whine....now i need to recharge my laptop and do some walking!!Last edited on 5 March 2012 04:26 pm by BJD74
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Hiker
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Posted: 5 March 2012 06:15 pm |
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Hey BJD, so glad you're back.
You know that is one of the things that is hard about mother hood, no grade, no yearly performance review and of course no salary. Your only measure is how happy and adjusted MJ is and since that seems to be going well I say you are headed in the right direction. You will always second guess, my "baby" is 37 and I still wonder if I did X would things be different? What about if I did Y...who knows. You do your best every day, you love her like the dickens and you wait.
I completely know how you feel about being unmotivated and the injury setting you back. I did the same exact thing, when I broke my arm back in March 2011 it set me back and when I realized it was never going to be 100% I got really down. I finally forced myself back to the gym in December only to have a flair up with the arm and had to have another surgery 3 weeks ago. I really try not to sit around and feel sorry for myself, I know there are others far worse off but that does not change the way I feel so I totally understand how you are feeling.
How about you and I commit to each other to really give this a go. Spring is right around the corner and I am NOT ready for shorts and as for a bathing suit....I won't even think about that. Anyway, let's do this together. I have a lot further to go than you I think but let's work at it. Have you joined the weight loss challenge? If not please do we can follow each other's progress and if you have a slip up who cares...believe me I have been falling for over a year so I understand. Are you with me?
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BJD74
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Posted: 5 March 2012 08:59 pm |
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Anyway, let's do this together. I have a lot further to go than you I think but let's work at it. Have you joined the weight loss challenge? If not please do we can follow each other's progress and if you have a slip up who cares...believe me I have been falling for over a year so I understand. Are you with me?
I am with you girl! Thanks for coming over to visit, i so wanted to hear from you. You always bring me out of my "funk" ...THANK YOU!
I am in the challenge, and totally ashamed to enter my wt for today, I try to weigh in on Thursday, or Friday...so lets get this "party started!". I will work hard on this goal for the week, all week! We can do this one day, one week, one minute at a time! I know, somedays its like by the second for me, second to resist that sweet treat, second to pass on the slice of toast with my egg, second to grab a Diet soda instead of the lovely COKE i adore...LOL...lots of seconds for me...so lets go with baby steps and see how we are by friday! I will be on here much more, i think it will help me to be accountable.
So far today, I have had about 1000 cal's which is Good, CONSIDERING!!! LOL...and no real sweets, just a fruit salad made with whole crans, oranges and apples, with some walnut chunks. No soda or candys yet today. No pasta or bread yet either. Had beans for lunch, BAH! I know, me? beans? what????? I also got the two mile walk/kickboxing video out of the way for today, and watered the front and back and side yards. :)
ANd how about you? :)
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Hiker
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Posted: 5 March 2012 10:00 pm |
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.Great job, you have a good day going, get through the afternoon, have a good supper and save a few calories for a snack tonight. At least that is my plan. Of course I am already past the afternoon which is the worse time for me. We are going to look good come shorts season  .
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Hiker
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Posted: 6 March 2012 12:22 pm |
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You are probably just getting up now but I wanted to pop on and say have a good day. Be strong and show MJ just how strong women can be.
How come you changed to a light house for your avatar? I know there aren't any in New Mexico...or are there?
Last edited on 6 March 2012 12:25 pm by Hiker
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BJD74
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 6 March 2012 01:56 pm |
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LOL lighthouses in NM? that would be the coolest thing EVER! LOL....nah, just got an itch and changed it.. :) Maybe I will put the new puppy up? :)
I didnt succeed yesterday, I did GREAT till I made spaghetti for MJ. I sat there testing the readiness, then I dipped another forkfull into a little butter (i love it with just a smidge of butter and sauce)....so i munched on that waiting for D to get home as I made MJ her dish...just a few small forkfulls.
The worst part was, I did have a great dinner after that.
I still couldnt stay out of it! I went back as I was getting D's nitely snack together I pulled out that pasta and took a few more forkfulls, without him seeing, or at least i tell myself he doesnt see??? (biggest dork ever I am)
But then, wait,,,,, it gets worse....at 1130pm, i am up to let the puppy out, and i go for more?! I ate another few forkfulls.....so fast that it hurt my chest to swallow, meaning i was eating big bites and not stopping long enough to chew....anxiety eating maybe???
Not sure waht to think about it, but i am fully aware how BAD it is to do this.....
Oh, what will i do?? :(
I feel like I am fighting this huge Dragon that I cant get down long enough to turn and run!!    
I have to hit walmart today, pray i am strong... i have a list, but well, who knows what will happen??
I feel like all i put in my mouth is dangerous.
BUGGA. BULLOCKS. DARN IT!
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Hiker
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Posted: 6 March 2012 02:01 pm |
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Hey we slip, we fall, we get back up. That's life. Maybe next time MJ wants spagehetti just cook enough for one serving for her. Even go a little light on that serving so you're sure there is none left for Mommy and if she is still hungy she can have a PB sandwich with it  . Really don't stress, it's happened and it's done, move on to a brand new day.
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BJD74
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 6 March 2012 02:04 pm |
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boy you are quick! i am grateful for your time and friendship as these arent things i openly share with my hubby, god love him!
it is a new day! i am ready to go! i am trying (desparately) not to THINK ABOUT THE NUMBERS!
Have a super day, I will be back with report of my day! :)
Big Hug!
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BJD74
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 7 March 2012 03:24 pm |
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tuesday wasnt a horrible day for me.. i went to walmart, resisted all the goodies, heck, i didnt even get any fruit this time. i stuck to the list, and i got a diet 7up at check out. as for spaghetti i stayed away from it, cept for 2 bites? i am however struggling with those yummy wheat thins. i never ever buy them because i love them and just eat them up. when this box is gone, i wont buy anymore. i have also finished the cranberry salad i made, another thing i simply cant just eat one serving of. Wierd how my taste changes. i didnt get to workout though, i went to two thrift stores after walmart looking for some jeans for MJ, since she ruined her fave ones painting at grandpas this past weekend. so i walked walmart for an hour with a cart, then the stores for another 1.5hr. After that i came home, put things away and relaxed before getting MJ at school. Call me lazy perhaps, but well, sometimes i just like to give myself a little :me: time?
todays weight 165.4
headache, little sleep last nite, puppy up and feisty, wind rattling the house today, just trying to get the OOMPH to get a walk in. I am so tired, I would love to lay down for a nap, while the house is calm, but its early release day and i have so much to do!
I tell myself, if i can just control the food today, I will be happy with that. It is our anniversary today.
I wanted to make chocolate chip cookies for them, but I know I wont be good...so do i or dont i??? lol
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Hiker
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Posted: 7 March 2012 04:04 pm |
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I love your new avatar, what is the puppies name? Boy are there like dogs running everywehre where you live?I have never seen a stray dog...OK I have but not for years. What is the new puppies name? He/she sure looks contnent in that picture I just hope you didn't change it becuase I asked about it. No reason you can't have a lighthouse no matter where you live. If you ever get to MA, CT or RI we have some really beautiful old ones.
I vote no on the CC cookies, you are too new getting back into this and it is way too tempting. If you must make them to celebrate how about making a very small batch....like enough for everyone to have a couple and that's it.
Have a good day and you are so right, mom's need "me" time sometimes.
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BJD74
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 7 March 2012 06:33 pm |
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so weird about the avatar, as my view is still the lighthouse. that is our latest, Zeke is no longer with us, at Christmas time, he and Dartagnon had two big fights over nothing, and so we decided to put him down, we had a ceremony and all. I simply couldnt allow him to go to a new home, and risk it happening, my conscience wouldnt let me. I miss him terribly tho.
This latest is Fiona, Princess Fiona from Shrek for MJ and "FI" from Burn Notice for me.  She was free, the weekend before Valentines, I said no, but MJ and I couldnt resist, esp when she came to me. Needless to say she is kinda our baby....she is a bully but a total girl too...and growing fast!
I didnt make cookies, I made a simple batch of brownies instead, I try to have something around here for him since he can eat what he wants....i had one.  I think I can handle brownies, they arent my fave. I will hold off on cookies because that is danger for me. He will understand.
I got in the 2+ mile walk and strength, used my 3 lb hand weights. So far a decent day.
But its not over yet, on way to get MJ since its early day today! Hope I can make it thru the afternoon!!!!!
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BJD74
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 8 March 2012 02:15 pm |
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164.4 today
heading to walmart to look for jeans for mj, she didnt fit any of the ones i found at the thrift store. 
she is growing!
today the wind is HORRENDOUS! HORRIBLE!! DUST BOWL CITY! The roof is howling and flapping, tiles loosening no doubt...more work and money for us, but this is the desert it gets spring winds and we are getting a bad front right now....snow and rain but not for us
will check back after i work out...
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Hiker
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 8 March 2012 09:18 pm |
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Hey BJD, sounds like a yucky day in NM. Hope you found the jeans for MJ...can't have her going to school in paint covered pants..of course who knows it could be the latest fashion trend .
Nice job on making those browines instead of cookies, that would never work for me. My problem is neither of my guys are sweet eaters to any extent so if I make anything I eat the vast majority. But if you aren't tempted that's great, good decision I think.
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BJD74
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 8 March 2012 11:17 pm |
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lmbo WELL ITS TRUE THAT THEY WERE BETTER TO MAKE, EASIER ETC...BUT I DIDNT STAY AWAY! I HAD ANOTHER ONE! BUT TODAY I HAVE NOT TOUCHED THEM!
IVE HAD A DECENT DAY, DIDNT GET TO WALK, BUT I ATE OK SO I AM NOT TOTALLY DOWN ABOUT IT. I HAD A HEADACHE ALL DAY, STRESSING OVER CASH OR THE LACK OF...SPENT 60 BUCKS AT WALMART FOR MJ, BUT ONLY TWO PAIRS FIT AND THEY WERE LONGER THAN ID LIKE...CARGO STYLE PANTS, NOT JEANS. I GOT HER A 7 IN BOYS AND A 7 IN GIRLS...NEITHER FIT. THE BOYS FIT GREAT IN LENGTH BUT TIGHT ABOUT THE MIDDLE AND RUMPUS-ADILILY-UPMUS AREA
I AM CONSIDERING THE GOODWILL TOMORROW, ITS A DRIVE FOR ME, WHICH I SHOULDNT DO, BUT I HAVE TO FIND HER JEANS...SHE IS TOO ROUGH AND TOUGH NOT TO HAVE A PAIR! bugga!
hER FRIEND AT SCHOOL BROUGHT US A BAG OF CLOTHES, DRESSES WORKED OUT, A SKORT SKIRT WORKED OUT, NOTHING ELSE....THOSE WILL GO TO THE THRIFT STORE TOMORROW.
THIS SAME FRIEND IS ENROLLED IN T-BALL IN A TOWN ABOUT 35 MIN FROM US. SHE IS WAY LESS FOCUSED THAN MJ, AND YET SHE HAS DONE THE TALENT SHOW AND NOW THIS...I WISH I COULD CONVINCE HER TO START LISTENING AND TAKING DIRECTION BETTER SO THAT HE DAD WOULD LET HER GET INTO THESE THINGS. ITS A TOUGH SPOT TO BE IN, HE SAIS IF SHE CANT FOCUS ON YOUR DIRECTION, WHAT WILL MAKE IT WORTH IT TO PUT HER IN A LARGE GROUP, AND HAVE ONE PERSON ON A TIME FRAME WITH A GOAL MAKE HER LISTEN THEN> AND HOW MUCH DO WE SPEND TIME AND MONEY WISE TO DO THIS AND BE FRUSTRATED ALL THE TIME???
HE IS SO RIGHT. I WANT HER INVOLVED BUT HER ABILITY TO OBEY, WELL, SHE IS STUBBURN LIKE ME. SHE IS A LOT LIKE ME ONLY NOT SHY...SHE WANTS TO TRY IT ALL!
GOTTA GO! D BROUGHT HOMW A FRIEND AFTER WORK, SO I GET TO ENTERTAIN!
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BJD74
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Posted: 9 March 2012 01:52 pm |
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163.8 today 
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Hiker
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Posted: 11 March 2012 07:13 pm |
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| Hey BJD, how did your weekend go? For me weekends are the hardest.
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BJD74
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Posted: 12 March 2012 09:18 pm |
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hi Hiker, hmm...to sum in a word how the weekend went....LAZY. I can think of others but that is a good one. We had company here thru this morning, so my workouts, my eating style, well they were out the door when the "boys" walked in the door Friday nite. I wasnt a Glutton by any means, but i had things like pizza, dos equis beer, candy, mac n cheese, eggs n toast, baked beans....soda both regular and diet...lol...funny to think i actually made some attempts at doing well like drinking sprite zero! LOL....those efforts may help some, but eating and eating does not. Granted I wasnt a total bumm, I took care of 3 guys all weekend. They pretty much slept, ate, slept some more. Its wierd. Its been super busy at work, and B just came in Fri from san diego, so our time with him will be done at the end of March, he will be moving to San Diego. We still have J, J, and us but we will miss our B. MJ is very sad he is moving, she sais he is her best friend! LOL...so cute...but he is good to her.
I kept house, I washed clothes, I kept them fed and happy, at the cost of my own being. I do that lots. I was glad they left today, but what did i do first? I ate two pot pies and like 4 sandwiches of beef bologna ketchup and whole grain toasted bread...with milk. I ate all of it in less than 30 min. Then i felt so sick, I laid down and slept off n on till 1230pm, then i got up refreshed and did 3 mile walk the belly flat. I feel good but I am upset that I just caved this morning, not even 10 min after they left for work.
Apparently I am suffering some anxiety I dont wisht to uncover. MJ was calling last nite from grandparents, saying they were fighting, this was at 8pm first, then it proceeded thru till 1030pm. She was so quiet, and speaking so grown up like that I was going to go get her. But the calls stopped, the puppys slept all nite, the boys all slept, all except me. I tossed and turned with a beer headache.
All is better today, I suppose. It will be nice and quiet tonite. I am wanting to vacuum but I cleaned the bathrooms, dusted and did laundry, so that is good for today. It is spring break, so why cant i enjoy it too? I read in an article that you have to get in 6 weeks of 8 hours of sleep her night to establish a new sleeping regimine. i cant ever catch up on the sleep I lost in other words. Thankfully the sun is out, the wind is nill and the birds are chirping. We had some rainy snow this weekend, so the watering is done for today too.
I need to work on getting a grip on intake. I cant hide eating. Its so shameful. I would never ever ever have done what i did this a.m. if D or MJ had been home.
I need to work on drinking more water again.
I need to work on less BREAD. WHole grain or not....
I need to work on more FRUIT.
SMALLER PORTIONS.
But for the day, I am done with calories, I took them all in this a.m.....so I am trying to think how to have a decent light cal meal tonite....so that my day isnt totally shot.
I havent stepped on the scale since Friday morning. I am going to be kind to my head and wait till thursday or friday. I am going to try to go this workout 2-3 days this week. At least 3 miles each workout. I just have too. Summer is coming.
I have a court date wednesday morning, speeding. The officer told me to go to court since my record is clean, and ask for a 90 day deferrment, and i should only have a smaller fine to pay. I deserve it. I was going 55 in a 50, and the reservation cops willget you all the time. NO mercy there...
This is why MJ is at the folks. She wanted to go for the weekend anyway, but to stay thru Wed a.m. so i can go to court. They dont allow children in the courtrooms, thankfully, though she would charm the socks off all the people there...lol
ok, enough..i am yapping away the time. Need to check laundry.
I hope you faired better than I!
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BJD74
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Posted: 12 March 2012 09:18 pm |
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Last edited on 12 March 2012 09:19 pm by BJD74
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Hiker
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Posted: 12 March 2012 11:01 pm |
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Hey BJD, I like your outline, stick to it and you will be OK. As for the binge, it's done, just move on. I wouldn't starve myself the rest of the day, that will just set you up for antoher eating binge....sort of like the sleeping thing, you can't really make it up. Just eat light/healthy the rest of the day and you will be set up for a good start tomorrow.
I ate a DQ Blizzard, that was after I ate my whole supper .
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BJD74
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Posted: 13 March 2012 08:19 pm |
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hmmm...well last nite i guess i did ok. I had some buffalo chicken strips baked in the oven, a small banana, a light yogurt, and an apple and nuts for snack. I could have done waaaaay worse. The scale kept calling to me, i made the mistake of stepping on it today.....
worse than last week!
but like you say, one day bad, or a week, well, get up dust yourself off and get back in the game....i can only lose if i dont try, and i dont want to lose.
i did go back to sleep again today, for almost 3 hours! I must be missing something to be able to just fade like that. I feel refreshed now. The nites are getting easier, it wasnt too bad last nite, but all 4 pups wanted to go out, around 1-2am....its just hard to fall back asleep. i know it has to have something to do with the food i am eating too....
Ok...outline....
WATER
SMALLER PORTIONS
HEALTHY CARBS
DIET SODAS PREFERRED. One regular a day if I cant stand it...
FRUIT AND VEGGIES
I would like to say no cereal, no bread, but i know that is folly. How about I say, 2 slices a day, no more. Crackers, as long as I balance them with cheese, fruit, or meat. Make a meal, not a snack.
I can do this darn it. We are day two into spring break, and i cant imagine putting on shorts or a suit!! BAH!
LOL...love you all! 
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Sassykat
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Posted: 13 March 2012 09:42 pm |
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That's the attitude BJ! I ate a bunch of junk yesterday and I just started over today.
I find that counting calories helps a lot. In fact thats the only way for me to know where I really stand and I can't seem to lose weight without doing it. I have spent many years trying not to count calories and it's always been a struggle. I don't know why. Now that I am counting calories it doesn't seem that bad.
You sure have your hands full with those puppies.
Best of luck to you with everything!
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BJD74
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Posted: 13 March 2012 09:49 pm |
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thanks Sassy! I always wanted to tell you how much you remind me of Linda Hamilton....
i made it thru my 3 fast miles, kicked my tush if i daresay..but i did it!
Now, if i can just make it thru the rest of the day. Sad to have to think about getting thru the next 6 hrs before sleep tonite....OY VEY....
I am not sure what to make for dinner. Feels like all i have are carby things....
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Hiker
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Posted: 13 March 2012 10:35 pm |
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NIce job BJD, you ate pretty well from what I can see and got some exericse in, that's all you can do.
How old are those pups anyway? Maybe time to make them go through the night? As much as I spoil my dogs I refuse to get up in the night with them (unless they are sick of course) but even as small pups they slept in kennels at night and they could go 7 hours with no accidents. I did take water away after 6pm but I bet your guys can do it. You need a good nights sleep.
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BJD74
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Posted: 14 March 2012 01:43 pm |
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LOL Hiker, the puppy Fi is maybe 8-9weeks, she is growing like a weed too! The others, the youngest just turned a year in Jan. The others are 3-4. Its just country here and they love love love to be outside, esp in the nighttime, barking with all the other country dogs, but if you leave them outside they sit at the door and bark and whine....Usually, its not all of them, but sometimes, it is. Last nite, we only got up once. I am still not totally rested, but I do feel somewhat better today?
weight at 165.2 I was all the way up to 167.8 on Monday. Ireally have to decide to work my butt off all week, and allow for two days on weekend, or I have to find a way to workout when i eat too much, to at least combat the gain....but i hate to leave company to go workout while they are all lounging and resting and enjoying the time together. I always make my weight such an issue, and noone around me gets it. Its all guys, granted, so they all love me as i am and they dont think I need to worry, but well, they just dont get it! I wish I could really relax and sit around and eat, laugh and have fun without worry of how much the scale will climb.
This weekend will be quiet according to D. He claims that J will be wanting to see his girlfriend after two weeks out of town, but for J, between friends and music, or his girl? i dont know, I am 50/50 that he will want to come over, esp with D leaving soon for his time away at another shop. We will see how it goes. If we do get company, I will do my best to sneak away for at least 30 min and get a walk in??????
I have court this a.m. Not too excited, but that is the idea. Court is supposed to make my knees shake, and it is. I know I have a fine to pay, and I really dont fare well in front of others, but honestly the folks in the court room getting their sentences are regulars. I am such a goody goody preppy "anglo" girl, that i think I get ignored by them. I dont belong there for sure....lol..thankfully. I have known too many who do belong there though...God Bless them all.
Ok, gotta go get ready. My hair is long again, but last spring i had cut a mass of bangs and now they are around my chin and dont blend at all...I am struggling to pass on a trim because i have a nice pigtail and i want to grow it.
Against D's wishes, I have advised the sheriff friend I have of when D will be away, in the event something happens and I need to call him on dispatch. He seemed fine with it. Asked where D was going etc. He is a nice man, his child is MJ's classmate, though they are shy around each othere. You know, MJ chasing him as he smiles?? we have known them as a whole since Kindergarten. I see him regularly as he picks up his son, and its a small town.
ok, really gotta go! here is to a strong day! MJ is coming home today too! 
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BJD74
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 14 March 2012 01:48 pm |
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OK OK. I HAVE TO REALLY WORK HARD. I JUST PUT MY RALPH LAUREN SIZE 10 JEANS ON AND I CANT BREATHE!
REALLY, NOT SURE WHY I AM BUT I KNOW THAT I HAVE TO GET SERIOUS!
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BJD74
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 14 March 2012 06:38 pm |
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I DIDNT TOTALLY BLOW IT TODAY, BUT I DID STOP AT MCD'S FOR MJ. SHE WAS SO DOWN ABOUT HER BUMMED WEEKEND WITH FOLKS THAT I DECIDED TO SPLURGE A LITTLE. I GOT US A 10PC NUGGET COMBO AND A SMALL FRIES FOR ME WITH A DIET COKE. IN THE END I ATE 4 NUGGETS AND THE AMOUNT OF A REGULAR FRY. WANTED THE BIG MAC BUT KNEW ID REGRET IT. WANTED THE SHAMROCK SHAKE BUT KNEW ID REALLY REALLY REGRET IT....SO I DIDNT GET THEM.
BRIEF VISIT WITH MY FOLKS, VERY BRIEF. I GOT IN AND OUT IN UNDER 30 MIN. NOTHING TO SAY RIGHT NOW. THEY BLEW THE WEEKEND WITH MJ BY FIGHTING AND THAT IS ENOUGH FOR ME, NOTHING TO SAY. SHE WAS DOWN, WE ARE BUMMED ABOUT THAT AND I DECIDED TO SIMPLY PACK HER UP AND WALK OUT. "K.I.S.S."
GOT TO WORKOUT. COURT WENT GREAT CONSIDERING, I GOT A 60$ FINE AND 30 DAYS TO PAY, WHICH IS GREAT GIVEN THE TRAVEL COMING UP. JUDGE WAS VERY NICE. LIKED MY CLEAN RECORD... 
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BJD74
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 14 March 2012 09:15 pm |
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30 MIN 2 MILE. 12 MIN MILE. 3 MILES TOTAL.
PLAYED TENNIS, HIT THE BALL IN OUR DRIVEWAY WITH MJ FOR ALMOST AN HOUR.
SWEPT OUT THE GARAGE, BROKE THE PUSH BROOM IN THE PROCESS!
MY DADS BEEN CALLING SINCE WE LEFT HIS HOUSE, HAVENT SPOKEN TO HIM. NOTHING TO SAY. I NEED TO STAY OUT OF THEIR DRAMA AND SO DOES MJ. ENOUGH SAID.
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Hiker
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 15 March 2012 12:58 am |
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| Good job on the exercise, you got in quite a bit I must say.
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BJD74
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Posted: 15 March 2012 05:23 pm |
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funny that it does feel like that too! lol...i am out of shape, plain and simple...but i do the bicycle crunches in sets of 20 without strain, so who knows? mj still wanted to do more but i had to get dinner going....i did ok last nite.
today however, i was dealt a cruel blow to my mind right after the alarm went off. D dropped on my head that he feels like i hold all of my frustrations, and sarcasms and then i just give them to him, and in the next sentence out of my mouth i am talking to the dogs or whatever being sweet and kind. IN SO MANY WORDS.
I feel badly about this. He said he really didnt want another dog and i went and brought one home anyway, and he really didnt want the whining, the training etcetc and i just did it anyway. It wasnt a plan, it was spontaneous and i thought he would be happy esp after the Zeke situation at Christmas time...but apparently I was super wrong. He said that I try every day to put her in his face and make him like her and he is tired of it.
Wow, why dont i go to the dog house?
So, what to do. I never thought he would be so mean about it. I am not sure what to do.
I havent eaten yet today, I did go back to bed and MJ played in her room for about an hour. I rested my arm on the heating pad, it was super tight and sore all nite. I am really down. I dont know why he feels this way. He knew the minute we met, heck, I even took my yellow lab with us when i showed him houses over 5 years ago. My kid and my dog went with me, like i was going to go out to see homes in BFE with a stranger, let alone a man?....i always talk for my dogs, I always wuv my dogs, and when i need to be angry at them, i do that too. He just doesnt see when i am angry at them for whatever it may be.
My wt was 163.6 today :) coming back down. My head is hurting.
Will do my best to keep it cool. I dont want to fight. Do i take her on Monday to the shelter? she is learning! she is sitting with Jeze when I go to give them their dinner bowls, she isnt sleeping all nite on the bed, she isnt going out 4 times a nite, just once...she isnt chewing, though she has chewed some.. I just never took a dog to the shelter, I worked at the shelter as a teen, and i dont like the things that can happen there. How do i do that to MJ? It would break her heart. I asked her if she thinks or feels that i yell at her and then i am nice to the dogs? she said no.
And, trust me, i give her an earful somedays. trhis all makes met think of my mom and dad. My mom has always been the outspoken one, the one who raises her voice and gives my dad heck for all the things that she feels upset about...I am so much my mothers daughter. I do take it out on him sometimes, and he is often the reason i get upset? he is so tense about things, and his expressions or his tone can set me off totally and ruin my entire day in one sentence. Its that easy. We have our quirks. We definately dont always see eye to eye with MJ or my folks or other things in life. Too many things to discuss publicly, but you know, i thought we were more mature and could see that we were a good fit, that he loves me for my ability to love all animals and to help people that my passion and worry for mj and school is good, that my concern for our friends is good too because i am a generous person. I thought these things he loved and now i feel like he hates them, resents it. I have been presented with friends who have need for family, and i give it to them, he brings them home and i take care of them while they are here, i give away our things to help them, etc...
i dont know.
i am going to go and watch my csi miamis...stop thinking about it.
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BJD74
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 15 March 2012 11:42 pm |
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2 fast miles today. 37 min total incl warm up and cooldown walk stretch.
found a cavalier convertible today for sale in the town near us! i wasnt looking. its turquoise with a black top, 1997, 97,000 miles, excellent shape...
praying that my folks will discuss and help me get it. it would relieve my brain of worry for D commuting in the camaro each day. the guy is super nice, he will guarentee the purchase and its carfax is clean....
i cant think of anything else right now! my brain is already seeing me in it!
its lovely! its the first cavaliers age and color of mine, then its the 99's version in the convertible, so its like its meant to be mine. Its wild! I have had 3 cavaliers, this would be a 4th. i have no worry that D would be able to fix anything that happens to her.....
listen to me, like shes already ours. My folks would have to dip into the money from my grandparents passing to do this, and obviously we cant do it...but the security of it would be nice.
:)
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BJD74
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 16 March 2012 03:39 pm |
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decided to do the car, but now not sure so i am waiting patiently, not. We would move the camaro to the barn, D would drive the blue cavalier with the 43 mpg, and i would drive the convertible again, itd be like it used to be. the guy agreed on 3200, which is awesome considering the condition and mileage, so i am just waiting to see if my mom sais yes. i intend to slowly pay her back, this is something we knew we were facing for over a year. We need a reliable vehicle for his commute, the camaro is simply a rockstar old metal car that makes noise and gets attention....he loves it, but its not realistic and he really wants a silverado. If he could sell the camaro, we can take that money and get into a small payment, and simplify. My settlement is done, I bailed out with 2 cards remaining because they couldnt give me an end date after 3 years....i was supposed to be done on Feb 24th but at that day, there was no being done, so i cancelled. That will save alot, and i can still go to those creditors and negotiate a settlement on my own, thereby reestablishing my credit. I am not worried at this point. I just didnt want to keep giving them so much a month with no end in sight.
i feel good today, i should be working out but my hip is a tad tender, i did a "tap-out" wiht my Leslie video yesterday and felt a pull and now i am feeling it whenever i move, sit etc....just enough to make me say, ok, maybe i just do a mile or two today, not the intense ones i have done all week.....?
my wt is 163.4 today. down from last week, down from the weekend. happy about this. working out has helped. i vow to get a walk in today. i have too.
B,S,J and D will be coming tonite, so music will abound! I am not getting pizzas like last time, if they are hungry they can eat Totinos pizza rolls that are in the freezer waiting to be eaten, they can drink their own beers etc, and i will have a nice normal meal. I have bud light should i drink. i would prefer the carb ultra michelob but that is money i cant spend now..
I will be making corn beef and cabbage, so i need to get to smiths for cabbage and carrots. i will get some diet soda and i will not get junk. just what we need since D is leaving soon.
Happy St. Patricks Day!!!!!
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BJD74
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 19 March 2012 08:59 pm |
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ugh. big weekend. ate lots of corn beef and cabbage, corn bread, devils food cake! the boys stayed thru sunday nite, though we planned them to leave saturday morning. therefor, the food plans were fizzled. i tell myself two more weeks and this wont be happening anymore....
171 today. i am sure its for the food. i havent done too terrible today, and i did 2 miles also.
day 1 of 12 days.
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BJD74
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 22 March 2012 02:15 pm |
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not having a good week. mj is pushing every button i have, the dogs are pooping all over the house, i am eating like i have twins in my tummy, i havent worked out all week, my dad is "talking wierd" like slurred and slow like he has to use incredible effort, and my mom is raggin all over him and saying that its just his laziness. i am really down, angry and stressed. i got some lipozene at walmart, but if i cant control eating then it isnt going to help me one bit. d gave me a pep talk from where he is, telling me he has seen me work so hard to get down to 152 and he knows i have the ability to work out, to eat right and be healthy, so why am i hurting myself? he sais he loves me either way, but he knows i am happier when i am thinner, so he is all about trying to keep me on task. UNFORTUNATELY its not working.
mj and i seem to only talk while i am yelling, she stares at me and deliberately does what she wants, not answering me, talking back to me, not reading her nightly read and basically challenging every single thing i do. Her lunch, her dinner, her playtime. THe wind was soo bad on sunday, her expensive costco playhouse literally blew over! It is on its side and we arent sure how to fix it. THe other garage door broke on friday, so i cant really secure the house at nite, well, at least the cars...i can lock up the entire house...but still, one more thing that is #%@&!. so this a.m. she is out there, CLIMBING ON THE PLAYHOUSE!?
I COULD HAVE WRUNG HER NECK!
Did she even say she was sorry or that she could have hurt herself?
NOPE. Meanwhile, I am a stress magnet. Stay away from me, you may get some of the dust from the magnet!  
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BJD74
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 22 March 2012 04:48 pm |
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i got a 2 mile interval walk done, took down the st patts decor, vacuumed and dusted. D is sick, he had thought it was allergies, but the medicine is only helping some. GREAT! Can it get any better? The money he makes better make it all worth this, cuz this is crazy!
i havent eaten anything, i am going to make a no sugar added carnation shake, with 1% milk. i am going to do my best not to cave as soon as MJ comes home and gives me her lip.
its got to get better.
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BJD74
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 24 March 2012 02:51 pm |
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| sick as a dog from thursday to today. vomiting.. headache. so not what i needed. my wt was 163.4 today. mj got in trouble at school so D has enforced the law on me from his location, asking me to get tough and make her upset so she can see that she needs to improve her behavior at home, at school, with grandparents etc. as sick as i am, it wasnt fun, she snuck in and took some animals back...boy was i disappointed. i told her that was not the best choice to make and took them away again. trying hard to be pleasant. my head is rocking. i am going to try to eat something today. Last edited on 24 March 2012 03:15 pm by BJD74
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Hiker
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 24 March 2012 10:57 pm |
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Hope you are feeling better soon.
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BJD74
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 27 March 2012 04:41 pm |
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THANK YOU HIKER!!!
i am better, busy today, will write more later....in short, yesterday at house 163.2 at the hospital for my ortho appt on their fancy digital scale and in clothes, 157.63!
i wish i could step on the house scale and see that...
mom said to look at the hospital wt and be happy!
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BJD74
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 30 March 2012 01:09 am |
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2 strength miles today.
163.2 on our home scale. so bummed about the large difference in the numbers between home and the hospital, keep hoping my scale will magically drop to match it...but no luck yet.
d is coming home tomrrow! yay! mj is going to my folks, and we are having one last gathering with our friend B before he heads off for the sunny cali coast for his new job!
enjoyed most of the time with mj, while we were on our own. cars running well, my folks are ok, just got new couches! yay! been tooooo long!
easter at their house!
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