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Ohm
Senior Member
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Posted: 15 October 2007 09:22 pm |
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| Great news! Brill!
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voodoodoll
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 16 October 2007 11:53 am |
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thanks guys- i am so over the moon still! he's worked so hard to get that job, its nice to see the hard work pay off at last. and candy, you sure made me laugh! 
calorie wise i didnt have a great day yesterday as we went out for a celebratory curry and much chocolate was also consumed. we were meant to go to the gym but after hearing the news we wants to celebrate instead. but no excuses for today! ( don't i always seem to be saying that?  )
today im off to uni to go in for my first international law seminar which is 12-1. and thats basically it for the day! so quite an easy day for me really. hoping to fit the gym in when i get home in the afternoon about 2pm. cinema and shopping is planned for this evening, should be good 
Day 121
crunchy nut cereal- 141
1/2 bag crisps- 75
curry- 1000
chocolate- 730 (yup thats really not a typo either  )
Total Calories eaten- 1946 
no exercise
not much to say except i will do much better today. oh, and i didnt enjoy the chocolate half as much as i used to enjoy it. strange huh? im sure i would have enjoyed some grapes or a yoghurt just as much for hardly any calories. will bear this in mind next time im tempted!
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Aimless
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 16 October 2007 02:13 pm |
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Sounds like things are going good :D Despite the chocolate! I always say that after a takeaway or something, "next time I must remember that I'd have enjoyed a can of soup or a vegetable stirfry much more - less calories and cheaper". It hardly ever happens when takeaway temptation kicks in.
Just saw that picture of a baked potato that Nir posted and I've decided that's just what I need! *runs to put the oven on*
Take care :D
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voodoodoll
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 16 October 2007 09:25 pm |
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Day 122
feeling a lot more positive today. i am going to do this. i am going to lose 141lbs. i am going to be able to say that i lost 10 stone! i am going to do well in my education and become a lawyer. i am going to run the london marathon eventually. no more looking back on what i did wrong and hating myself for it. my mistakes make me uniquely me and without them i doubt i would be as empathetic and caring towards others as i am now.
in these last 2 years or so i have had many victories, best of all is that i have finally reached a point in my recovery where i can say that i have beaten my depression for good. from the age of 14 to about 20 i suffered terribly from depression, i would not leave my room for days, i would self harm and i had suicidal thoughts and attempts  it makes me sad to look back and think that i spent some of my teenage years wasted in such futile self hate. when i met matt i was a wreck, i drank ridiculously and hated myself. he was the one who helped me realise that i did have hope, that i did have someone who loved me unconditionally and he helped me try to get better. it was a long road to recovery. every day was a concious struggle to engage myself with the world and not hurt myself. but then gradually it got less of a struggle until today, when i thought about it and realised that i have not felt "depressed" (in the medical sense of the word) for at least 2 years. yeah, i still have times when im sad, but thats just a normal human emotion. i mean no-one can be happy about weighing 281lbs!
i just thought i'd open up about my past bacause it is relevant to weight loss. getting better was something that i never thought i could do. and i am better. just like i didnt think i couldnt lose 141lbs, but i can. and mark my words i will. it might take another year or even two but i will do this. even if i have to eat salad till i turn green and run to the ends of the earth. i guess what i am trying to say is that i finally have some beleif in myself. for the first time i think i can actually do this, and that thought is empowering.
man, i feel good for getting that off my chest  anyway cals...
baked beans and cheese jacket potato- 700
chicken, pepper, onion,mushrooms, garlic, tomato and basil sauce, pasta - 610
Total Calories Consumed- 1310
exercise
1 hour walk @ 4mph - 520 cals
Total Calories Burnt off- 520
Last edited on 16 October 2007 09:26 pm by voodoodoll
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Ohm
Senior Member
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Posted: 16 October 2007 09:53 pm |
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Voodoo, when I read your story you fill me with compassion and I KNOW YOU CAN DO THIS THING. You will be slim. You will knock everybody's socks off!
I had not realised what a stony path you had had to walk. Perhaps it is your own past difficulties which have led to your character developing to be so sympathetic and supportive.
You are an amazing person. You are an intelligent, educated (and becoming even more so) and articulate woman. Who could ask for more? And yet you will be slim and beautiful and even more amazing!
You are a star  and you deserve to be celebrated! Never forget how amazing and wonderful and stunning you are!
with admiration from
Becci
x
Last edited on 16 October 2007 10:15 pm by Ohm
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DeterminedGal
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 16 October 2007 10:04 pm |
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Wow Voodoodoll! I'm blown away by your last post. How brave of you to put it all out there like you did - your childhood and your depression. Reading your words really touched me. Thank you so much for sharing!
I know you can do it. One day at a time. That's how we get thru life. You've just learned that lesson much younger than some of us. Don't beat yourself up over the past. Look to your bright future. You have a wonderful boyfriend and you're brilliant. (Although I must admit, I do have a few lawyer jokes stored up for when you actually become a lawyer. )
I like to think of you guys on this website like this: We're all headed in the same direction -- a healthier lifestyle. Sometimes we stumble, but there's always someone to pick us up when we're down. Sometimes we fall, and it may take a couple of people to get us up. The most important thing is to get up and get on.
I'm behind you 100%. Thanks again for sharing such a personal part of your life. Becci is right when she said you have a sympathetic and supportive character. I say Thank God for that! God Bless you, chickepoo!
Your friend,
Jan ( I don't know why I've never used my name on this website, but signing DG just didn't seem right.)
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abnormalapathy
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 16 October 2007 11:21 pm |
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Thank you for sharing your story...this is very similar to what I've been dealing with the last few days and have danced around and around it. I had one giant purge last night and am feeling better today. My bf is like your Matt - he's the one that's helped me grow to the next level. I feel so lucky.
And we will do this!!!
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Aimless
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 17 October 2007 01:32 am |
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Depression is such an awful thing to go through, and it's frustrating how few people understand. At the time it feels like the feeling is never going to end, and it is such a relief and somewhat of a shock when you realise you have beaten it! Beating those pounds will be nothing compared to what you have grown through and achieved, you can do it!
And hey, boyfriends are wonderful aren't they? :D Mine has stuck with me through some of the toughest times - my rock.
To the future!
xx
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voodoodoll
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 17 October 2007 11:59 am |
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wow guys, you all rock reading your posts genuinely gave me a warm glow inside. thanks for you all being so supportive of me
as for today, a busy day is planned. my friend amy who emmigrated to canada 2 years ago is going to come over on the train with my other close friend niki. we are going to a few country pubs (diet soda for me!) and having lunch (ill try and have something healthy and not revert to my chip stealing ways!). after they go back on the train me and matt are off to the gym. i think im going to swim today so long as there isnt an aqua aerobics class on at that time. the class only takes up one lane but as a fairly quick swimmer i hate getting stuck behind really slow people and having to overtake them. with 2 lanes i rarely have that problem as the quicker swimmers all go in the other lane.
anyway, after the swim my parents have invited us to bring a takeaway over to celebrate matt getting a new job. just what i need, lol, more incentive to have take away!  so with a pub lunch and takeaway for tea today isnt going to be the best of days for my healthy lifestyle really. i mean ill try and have something healthy at the pub, but pubs in the countryside round here rarely have healthy options. so what i am saying that rather than go for an unrealistic 1500 calories of food today i think 2000 will have to be the target, but with at least 500 or more calories burnt at the gym i can still aim for a 500 cal deficit, which is still a deficit afterall! then tomorrow i need to me mega good as friday is weigh day!
anyway, ive gotta dash as im picking them up in 20 mins, despite being still in my dressing gown, my hair is bushy and i forgot to take off my make up last night so i have eye liner streams down my face, niiice! 
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suenos
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 17 October 2007 10:42 pm |
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| I've just caught up on your diary and all I can say is "wow"...first off, congrats for your bf landing the IT job, but....I'm practically speechless on your post about overcoming your depresion and your present sense of empowerment. I can only say that, even if you never lost another pound (though of course you will -141 of them to be exact) you would still be an amazing, inspirational and gutsy woman - no doubt your bf saw it in you long before you saw it in yourself. Thanks for sharing that.
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Darlene
New Member
| Joined: | 4 October 2007 |
| Location: | USA |
| Posts: | 43 |
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Posted: 18 October 2007 09:44 am |
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Just dropped in and was getting caught up on your journal. Thank you for sharing on day 122. Voodoo doll, you are doing great! You are setting daily and longterm goals in all parts of your life, and I know you can do it.
I was in a similar spot a few years ago myself, so I know what you are going through. I was 240 pounds and it felt like I had so much to lose, that it was almost pointless to try. Somehow I got past it and slowly lost the weight. It doesn't happen overnight, but everyday you are closer to your goal. It took me a few years to get this far, and I still have a ways to go. I have faith that you can do it!
One thing I didn't have when I was trying to lose weight before was a support network. I see now how important it is-we are all here for you!
If I can ever figure out how to cut a pic down small enough for this site, I will upload some before and now ones in my diary.
Thanks for sharing. You are watching what you eat and doing great on your excercise! Keep it up!
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voodoodoll
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 18 October 2007 05:58 pm |
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thanks darlene and suenos- the support i get from you guys is awesome and i very much appreciate it. getting a pat on the back really helps to spur me on
Day 123
very bad day for calories eaten and the sources they came from but i know it would be. still, i managed to have a good day doing lots of exercising. it was great to catch up with my friends too.
crunchy nut cereal- 141
small fish and chips- 700
chocolate moose- 300
fruit juice- 210
1/2 curry- 500
Total Calories Consumed- 1851
exercise
for swimming cals burnt i am now going to use calories from this site rather than my own lame method of 50 cals per 10 lengths that i came up with before i joined cph.
1 hours breaststroke swimming- 1,152 (thats over double my previous estimate, but i think its accurate as i swim constantly without a break and feel much more tired than when doing other activites)
35 mins walk with friends- 106
Total Calories Burnt Through Exercise- 1258
well, i sure have learnt one good lesson from this. swimming is by far the best exercise i can be doing right now! i hope to go swimming later on but i have had a very dodgy stomach today so far. i didn't go to university today as i felt so sick from it when i got up. i think my body wasnt used to the #%@&! i put in it yesterday. i need to remember that the next time when i have a bad day.
today hasnt been so good so far as i ate apple and blackberry pie for breakfast/lunch (it was in the fridge and i couldnt be bothered to cook!)- argh! but if i have my healthy chicken and veggie pasta meal for tea i can pull today back from being over on the calories. and if i do get to the gym it will actually be quite a good day. good job really as im getting weighed tomorrow. i'd love to see a loss but after the bad food ive had this week if i maintatined at 254lbs id be relieved! but all shall be revealed tomorrow, the body is a very strange thing.
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voodoodoll
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 18 October 2007 11:44 pm |
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Day 124
apple and blackberry pie- 800
chicken, veggies, pasta- 600
Total Calories Consumed- 1400
exercise
swimming- 40 mins- 768
Total Calories Burnt by Exercise- 768
well today was a bit of a weird day. i only had 2 meals and one was pie! man, how bad was that?! managed to claw the day back from the brink of disaster though. i never used to be able to do that, once i had had one bad thing it used to all snowball. i guess ive developed a bit more self control, albeit not enough control not to eat the darn pie in the first place!
swimming was rather annoying today as i went at a time when half the pool was being used by kids. this meant all the swimmers were in one side and i kept getting stuck behind slow people. i did well to last 40 minutes as i find it so frustrating as i like to push myself during workouts. no swimming on tue and thur afternoons anymore! but im so glad i managed to go even though i didnt feel like it.
im not feeling too well today, had upset tummy this morning and now both me and matt have got bad headaches and a fever. i just hope i feel ok to go to the gym tomorrow and get weighed. if not i'll get weighed at home, but its a cheap scale that weighs exactly 2lbs more than the gym ones- guess i can deduct accordingly, as natually i only use the most flattering figures!
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Darlene
New Member
| Joined: | 4 October 2007 |
| Location: | USA |
| Posts: | 43 |
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Posted: 19 October 2007 01:12 am |
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voodoodoll wrote: 1/2 curry- 500
What is a curry? Sometimes I use curry lightly as a spice, just wasn't sure what that was. I'm learning about so many different yummy meals since I've been reading everybody's diaries.
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voodoodoll
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 19 October 2007 12:22 pm |
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hey darlene. i guess curry isnt the name of a specific meal, it is more a general category for indian meals which contrain a meat and sauce with rice. there are lots of types like chicken tikka massala, vindaloo, rogan josh, biryani, bhuna etc. if you have never tried a curry you simply have to! they are not the most healthy meals in the world but i love the spices and the taste of them. if you are starting out a chicken tikka massala or a korma are a great choice as they are quite mild.
Anyway! important incredible amazing news! I have lost 5 pounds this week!!
I seriously couldnt tell you how this has happened as i havent exactly eaten amazingly this week, but i have had a couple of low days and a couple of long swims! but hey i'll take it! I hope you guys are here for my unplanned funeral (come on the way home for DG's!) as im now 249lbs!
i cant stop smiling!
well the plan for the rest of the day is to catch up with the mountain of work that is piling up behind me. seriously i think i have have to read something like 13 chapters before next thursday! it will never all get some in a million years but i can make a start and get my seminars prepared. am going to the gym with matt later on too. i think ill have another swim
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Aimless
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 19 October 2007 12:56 pm |
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That is awesome! Well done :D
I miss swimming, I should find somewhere near here that I can go. Although a bit self conscious with my belly :F
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voodoodoll
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 19 October 2007 01:33 pm |
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| hey Aimless- if i dare go swimming, anyone can! seriously though, i used to be self conscous about swimming, and i still am a bit, but there are loads of people just like me and bigger that swim at my gym. plus you can get some awesome swimming costumes that do wonders for you these days!
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DeterminedGal
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 19 October 2007 01:58 pm |
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Whooo hoo sister friend. Way to go! FIVE POUNDS GONE. You've now broken the 250# mark. Bye, bye, bye to your 250's....never, ever to be seen again.
You rock!!!!! I am sooooo happy for you!!!!
DG
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abnormalapathy
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 19 October 2007 03:51 pm |
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Congrats on the five pound loss! That's incredible!
How many days per week do you swim, and for how long? I go once a week with a friend, but I may cave and start going without her too. I felt really self-conscious the first few times I went. But now it's fun to get out there and see people's reactions when I just keep going and going and going and....
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voodoodoll
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 19 October 2007 07:52 pm |
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| hey apathy, i am going to try and manage 3 times a week of swimming and then at least 2 gym days. when i swim i aim to do about an hour but today i managed 50 mins as the pool got really busy. isn't swimming great though? its the only sport that i seem to have an aptitude for, although im exhausted after a swim during the swim i can keep on going without breaks and i was one of the fastest people in the pool today. and to say im still 109lbs overweight thats an acheivement its nice to find something i can actually do well, insead of things like running where i am seriously out of breath after 1 minute!
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Hisgal
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 19 October 2007 08:08 pm |
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Hey, VDoll...........waaaaaaaaaaaaaay to goooooooo!
I normally don't get too enthused for funerals, they are sad...........but these weight loss funerals are great! Let's keep 'em coming!
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abnormalapathy
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 22 October 2007 07:24 pm |
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voodoodoll wrote: hey apathy, i am going to try and manage 3 times a week of swimming and then at least 2 gym days. when i swim i aim to do about an hour but today i managed 50 mins as the pool got really busy. isn't swimming great though? its the only sport that i seem to have an aptitude for, although im exhausted after a swim during the swim i can keep on going without breaks and i was one of the fastest people in the pool today. and to say im still 109lbs overweight thats an acheivement its nice to find something i can actually do well, insead of things like running where i am seriously out of breath after 1 minute!
I've really slacked off with the exercise since the 5K...and now with this cold thing or whatever it is, I don't know what I'll be doing. The pool we go to is always busy and last Friday was just incredibly frustrating for me. But I did 26 laps in 35 minutes. I'm pushing for 36 laps (0.5 mile) in less than 30 minutes. I don't know how I was doing that in the summer and find it so difficult now. Maybe it's because I'm in a smaller pool with more turns...hmmmm...
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Aimless
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 22 October 2007 07:28 pm |
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Oh my god, I don't remember how to do turns properly when swimming
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Scoobees
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 22 October 2007 11:26 pm |
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Way to go voodoodoll!!!! 5 pounds!!!!! That's incredible!
2 funerals to attend in one week...man, I'm lovin' these parties!
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voodoodoll
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 24 October 2007 06:30 pm |
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well its been a while so ive a lot of catching up to do! have been so busy with uni lately its been mental but ive been counting my calories still
Day 125
crunchy nut cereal- 141
tuna jacket potato with cheese- 611
1/2 veggie pizza- 800
minstrels- 750
Total Calories Consumed- 2302 
exercise
swimming- 50 mins- 940 cals
Total Calories Burnt from exercise- 940
during swimming i pulled my right shoulder (which i dislocated last year) and was in quite a lot of pain, so i ate chocolate- typical! this also meant i had to have some time off the gym to let my shoulder properly heal. the doctors told me that my shoulder needed plenty of rest as it is more succeptable to become dislocated again due to the original disclocation weakening the muscles.
Day 126
3 slices of left over pizza- 500
chicken, potato and veggies- 700
yoghurt- 185
coke- 200
popcorn- 600
Total Calories Consumed- 2185
bad day again but its still under my unadjusted rmr so i shouldn't have gained anything.
Day 127
jacker potato with juna and sweetcorm- 600
cake (why oh why did i bake!)- 300
chinese meal- 1200
Total Calories Consumed- 2100
no exercise again due to shoulder, bad food choices but once again i shouldn't have put any weight on at least!
Day 128
cereal-300
cake  - 300
pizza- 400
steak, potato and veggies- 800
crisps- 150
Total Calories Consumed- 1950
slightly fewer calories but still not a "good day"
Day 129
cereal- 141
tuna sweetcorn jacket potato- 600
homemade chicken sweet and sour with veggies- 800
cake (last bit- phew!)- 300
coke- 200
Total Calories Consumed- 2041
exercise
first day back at gym since injury.
swimming- 25 mins- 471
Total Calories Burnt Through Exercise- 471
shoulder was a bit soar after yesterdays short swim so today im having a planned rest day. will be ging back to the gym tomorrow with matt. i am also pleased to report that im also back on to my 1500 calorie target for today after a bit of a splurge earlier in the week. i guess i didnt do so bad being as i probabaly ate maintainance cals/ slightly under. but now i need to really push myself so i can see a difference again on the scales on friday!
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voodoodoll
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 25 October 2007 07:06 pm |
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Day 130
well what was originally a good day turned kinda bad on the calories as matt took me out for a suprise meal at the local indian restaurant. so didn't do too good with the cals.
crunchy nut cereal- 141
cheesy beans on toast- 750
curry- 1000
hot chocolate and tea biscuit- 200
Total Calories Consumed- 2091
no exercise
Day 131
did really well today, feeling positive again!
cruncy nut cereal- 141
big jacket potato with cheese and beans- 750
chicken, tomato, onion, sweetcorn, red pepper, garlic, pasta- 600
Total Calories Consumed- 1491
exercise
once again timed it wrong and class for aqua aerobics came in after 45 mins. but hey, 45 mins is better than nothing!
45 minute swim- 847
Total Calories Burnt through exercise- 847
hope i can keep my exercise up and around 1500 cals- im a bit scared about getting weighed tomorrow after this weeks bad food choices!
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voodoodoll
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 26 October 2007 09:20 am |
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well i got weighed today and im up half a pound to 249.5 lbs. thats not too awful considering how bad i did this week and how little exercise i have done so i'll take it. it is so annoying to see the scale go the wrong way though. a big swim is planned later on today along with healthy food. i need to get back into this, next week is the last week of the halloween challenge and i need to get a bit nearer my goals! i know i wont lose all the weight i planned to on the challenge, which is disapointing. i need to set realistic goals for the new year challenge, i managed 10lbs in the septemeber challenge so maybe something like that, but i'll decide when i know my starting weight.
anyway, now im off to get some breakfast and do some medical law reading. swim is planned for this afternoon (ive checked and there are no aqua aerobics classes then!).
hope everyone elses friday weigh days go well
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voodoodoll
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 26 October 2007 08:33 pm |
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Day 132
banana- 120
tuna mayo and sweetcorn jacket potato with a little cheese- 561
cookie- 100
sweet and sour chicken with rice- 1000
jelly babies - 100
Total Calories Consumed- 1881
exercise
swimming- 100 lengths (2km)- 1 hour- 1129
Total Calories Burnt through exercise- 1129
not as low on the calories as i'd have liked due to impromptu chinese meal but i finally managed to last an hour at the pool without coming out due to getting stuck behind slow people.
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zenobia
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 27 October 2007 03:23 pm |
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mmmmm... seems like chinese food is the latest indulgence. i would looooove to devour massive amounts of chinese food. the worst part is is that i work almost right next door to a chinese restaurant. at least there is a subway in between me and tasty lo mien!
and congrats on making it an hour at the pool! i was thinking about swimming the other day and i don't know if i could handle just doing laps for an hour. i am jealous!
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voodoodoll
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 27 October 2007 09:05 pm |
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hey zen, i know what you mean about getting bored swimming laps. i am exactly the same so to try and make it a bit more interesting i try and swim as hard as i can and count my laps, if i work really hard i can do 100 in an hour (2km). the thing that really kills my swimming is getting stuck behind people, there is nothing worse than having to ease off when you are trying to compete with yourself.
Day 133
crunchy nut cornflakes- 141
chicken salad sandwich on wholemeal bread- 400
actimel "good bacteria" yoghurt drink- 70
alpen cereal bar- 130
roast pork, yorkshire pudding, parsnips, peas and mash with onion gravy- 800 (?)
handful of grapes- 60
Total Calories Consumed- 1601
planned rest day
i had quite a good day today, managed to get a few hours of studying done, got a quote for my car to be repaired and saw my parents. i also did some shopping and picked up some jogging bottoms, a black top and a hot water bottle for under £10- i love student discount! matt was off work so we got to spend some time together too which was nice.
i spent some of the afternoon watching diet doctors on channel 5. some of the stories really inspired me. it was amazing to see how losing weight didnt just change peoples physical appearance, it gave them a whole new outlook on life. i cant wait till i have lost another 109lbs and i am a success story too. i feel more determined than ever that i can do this!
i have also noticed that when i post every day in my diary it forces me to think about my diet and makes me reassess the choices i make. posting here really does help me mentally prepare and plan for the next day. in an attempt to try some new meals and avoid one of my vices (cheese!) i've picked up some covent garden soups for the next few days- one is mushroom and the other is italian tomato- they look really yummy and are low in calories too. i've noticed them making an appearance in Aimlesss journal and being as she is doing so fantastically im sure they are something i can incorporate into my diet instead of 5 jacket potatos a week!
plan for tomorrow is to eat around 1500 cals, go to the gym with matt and try and get out for a walk, even if its only for 20 minutes. i've got lots of environmental law stuff to read tomorrow which is bound to make me sleepy due to its dry and procedural nature so i need to make sure i have regular breaks to avoid the nap fairy!
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voodoodoll
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 28 October 2007 12:37 pm |
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| some days are definately harder than others. today i woke up in agony due to TTOTM and ive been dosing myself up on painkillers all day. ive been sat in bed most of the morning with my new hot water bottle watching sex in the city dvd's. the first day of TTOTM is always hellish and nothing productive ever gets done- i just hope i dont go over on the calories but when i feel like this i just want to eat chocolate (have resisted so far!)...
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voodoodoll
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 29 October 2007 11:25 am |
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Day 134
today was that day i decided that i needed to change things around. today for the first time since starting this plan i felt disgusted and angry at myself. i ate a ridiculous amount of calories and felt awful. i know that if this is going to work i need to be able to control myself. i need to be able to never start eating bad things in the first place. one mouthful of chocloate is like the straw that breaks the camels back so to speak! i need to get some control back in my life. food needs to stop being a reward/ pleasure and i need to eat what my body needs!
if i am going to do this it isnt just a matter of calories in v's calories out anymore. its a matter of sorting my head out and looking at food in a completely new way. maybe its time for me to admit that im a compulsive overeater and that i do actually have a real life scary big problem with food.
i guess i feel a bit better for saying that.
now im not going to come out with a plan to make it all better. i know what i need to do: work out more and eat things that my body needs. and i hope to be able to do just that from today. i've lost 31 1/2lbs so far, i can still do this, i just think that to lose the rest of the weight ive got to lose the mental baggage so i can lose the physical. its easy to make an eating plan to lose physical weight, but how do you change the way your mind works?
anyway, here are my calories yesterday. i feel embarrassed thinking about what i ate!
crunchy nut cereal- 141
tomato covent garden soup with bread- 350
cookies- 400
minstrels chocolates- 1200
pizza- 1000
Total Calories Consumed- 3091
wow, i havent eaten that many calories since my holiday (when i was also playing around 3 hours sport a day!). yesterday i was in bed all day with bad stomach pains, i must have done under 1000 steps! looking at that figure- 3091- makes me feel so sad.
but, im not long to dwell in sadness anymore! i feel a killer gym session coming on to take out all my frustrations! this is the first day of a new me, the bev that admitted she actually had a problem! i'll figure this whole healthy eating thing out and one day get my head around it. i still feel positive. i guess this is a journey and i've learnt something about myself along the way.
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Ohm
Senior Member
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Posted: 29 October 2007 01:26 pm |
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voodoodoll wrote: Day 134
today was that day i decided that i needed to change things around. today for the first time since starting this plan i felt disgusted and angry at myself. i ate a ridiculous amount of calories and felt awful. i know that if this is going to work i need to be able to control myself. i need to be able to never start eating bad things in the first place. one mouthful of chocloate is like the straw that breaks the camels back so to speak! i need to get some control back in my life. food needs to stop being a reward/ pleasure and i need to eat what my body needs!
if i am going to do this it isnt just a matter of calories in v's calories out anymore. its a matter of sorting my head out and looking at food in a completely new way. maybe its time for me to admit that im a compulsive overeater and that i do actually have a real life scary big problem with food.
i guess i feel a bit better for saying that.
now im not going to come out with a plan to make it all better. i know what i need to do: work out more and eat things that my body needs. and i hope to be able to do just that from today. i've lost 31 1/2lbs so far, i can still do this, i just think that to lose the rest of the weight ive got to lose the mental baggage so i can lose the physical. its easy to make an eating plan to lose physical weight, but how do you change the way your mind works?
Hello again, Voodoo. Sweetie, you are doing amazingly well. I know that you are feeling down on yourself, but please cut yourself some slack. You are an inspiration to the rest of us, and when all is said and done you are only following a biological imperative.
In evolutionary terms, we are programmed to eat when food becomes available, so that we can survive timesof shortage and famine. In prehistory, we would gorge ourselves on sweet berries and meat from a kill and the fat we stored would sustain us through times when there was no food about. This is why we are pre-programmed to appreciate sweet tasting foods - sweet taste indictes the presence of sugars, which are high in energy and therefore will be easy to store as fat. Likewise, the draw of fast food is probably, at least in part, the high fat content, which makes food smell amazing on a very basic level. You can teach your body to prefer less sweet and less fatty choices, but at the basic level this is what your body craves.
The reason you are having such a problem (apart from our present cafeteria lifestyle) is that your prehistoric ancestors, the ones who survived the famines and droughts, were the ones who could store fat most efficiently, and could eat the most - and you and I have inherited those traits. Naturally skinny people probably had ancestors who could do the same, but there are always some people who "don't inherit the red hair", if you know what I mean.
So your body is trying to tell you to do exactly the thing that would make you most likely to survive drought, famine and shortages, but we don't have those things in 21st century UK, do we?
You are doing the right thing. You will get there in the end, but you are fighting not only against your obesogenic environment but also against evolution. Yes, your lifestyle had a lot to do with your gaining weight, but your body is only following it's programming and in that sense IT IS NOT ALL YOUR FAULT.
I think you are brilliant. Lots of other forum members think you are brilliant. You should think you are brilliant too. Honest! Yes, you are overweight, well so am I and about half the British populaton. And you are dealing with that!
More importantly, you are kind, intelligent, hard working and supportive to others. I think you are amazing. Please cut yourself some slack. We will get there - you and me - together! And then, if you like, I'll drive down from the frozen North and we'll go out and paint Sheffield red - maybe there will be a few other CPH members who can join us! All of us, looking amazing! Stunning! Slim!
Becci
Last edited on 29 October 2007 01:44 pm by Ohm
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voodoodoll
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Posted: 29 October 2007 03:05 pm |
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hey becci- reading your post made me smile, thanks for being so supportive im feeling a bit better about myself now, partly because ive had a long work out and partly because i read your post. i do need to give myself a break, i find its so hard to do that though after a bad couple of days. i guess in a way i am incredibly scared of ending back up at 281lbs or more, i know i will never allow that to happen again but i guess it is a nagging doubt at the back of my mind!
and as for painting sheffield red when we are slim, bring it on! we could stage a global cph party, lol
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suenos
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Posted: 29 October 2007 03:14 pm |
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Hey Voodoodoll: I just read your post and it struck such a chord in me. I totally agree that there's no reason to beat yourself up over past mistakes but sometimes it takes stepping back and looking at ourselves and our behavior from the outside and getting at little bit angry/disgusted and saying "I don't like that" to propel us into change....I'm proud of you for doing it because it's darned hard to do. Different strokes for different folks and all that, but the day I was able to finally start ending my own binge cycle was the day I made a similar realization "I am a binge-eater". I think you are on to something valuable and even life changing.
Here's a little personal story that may or may not help you - I'm hoping for the former. One of my biggest strugles with weight came from using food as something to either enhance a good mood/experience or blunt the edges of a bad one. It was not only my favorite reward/pleasure but my number one comfort/stress reliever/refuge from boredom/mental anaesthetic - you name it, I used food for everything except for what it was meant for - nourishment. I tell people that I am a recovering addict and food was my drug of choice.
So, one day a former CPH member had written about doing a breast cancer walk and I donated some money, which immediately triggered a huge emotional flood in me because I had lost my own mother to cancer. So, on this particular day, I'm feeling really, really #%@&! - in the way that sometimes one unpleasant thought seems to lead to another and another and before you know it everything just looks bleak and horrible. And, to make it really perfect, I had just quit smoking a day or two before.
So there I am, feeling like ####, can't eat, can't smoke, don't really drink - the only choice left available was to find a way to actually face and deal with the naked emotion all by itself. And I did, and it wasn't fun or pleasant, but I learned something I never lost and hope I can pass on to you a little bit.
I learned "so what" Seriously. At the end of a long, long day I learned that I can feel sad without blunting the sadness with food and so what? the feeling didn't kill me. Which led to slowly realizing that I could be bored/stressed/angry/excited/happy and not use food to blunt/enhance the mood.
Seriously, Voodoodoll, it was the emotional "work" as much as anything else that made the difference in the end. Because every single time I reached out for something to stick in my mouth I made myself stop and examine what I was feeling at that moment. So many, many times the answer wasn't "hunger" but something like "I'm p.o.'d at someone, or I'm really tired or I'm worried something or even I'm really happy about....." Then, instead of eating (or smoking) I'd make myself deal with the issue at hand on the spot. Not easy or fun - but resulting in developing a boatload of "coping" tools that had nothing to do with eating.
I just think you're onto the kind of personal insight that goes beyond the mechanics of weight loss, and it can be a hard path to follow but I believe the journey will prove worthwhile.
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voodoodoll
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 29 October 2007 07:08 pm |
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hi suenos- thank you for your words of wisdom, they have a lot of resonance with me.
i need to be able to fight myself when i want to binge. i need to get to the stage where it is no longer a mental compulsion to eat and i can say no to the craving. i know it will be difficult for me but i know i have to start going down the road of the mental journey as well as the physical one if i am do this. im begining to realise that there is much more than calories in/out to all this, that is merely just half of the process. its my mind that will be the difference between success and failure.
Day 135
grapes- 60
steamfresh meal (steamed salmon, carrots, green beans, broccoli and pasta)- 300
cranberry and raspberry yoghurt- 105
chicken breast, tomato and basil sauce, red pepper, onion, mushroom, pasta- 560
Total Calories Consumed- 1025
exercise
elliptical- 34 mins- 300 cals
exercise bike- 30 mins- 200 cals
swimming- 45 mins- 847 cals
Total Calories Burnt Through Exercise- 1347
lots of exercise, a mountain of vegetables and some lean protein. im cutting my plan right back to basics with meat, fish, fruit and vegetables. cheese is totally off the menu for now at least. i need to get at least a couple of weeks of solid exercise and healthy eating together before i even think about broadening my plan. calories were rather low today as i find the jump between rubbish foods (chocolate, pizza etc) to healthy food leaves me feeling full due to the very bulk of the vegetables themselves. i am so proud of my efforts at the gym today .
tomorrow is a busy day (2 seminars, pub with a friend and a careers exhibition) but i will do my best to fit the gym in if i can.
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Heavenseventeen
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 30 October 2007 03:24 pm |
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I'm glad that you picked yourself up after your bad patch. "We need to experience the darkness to appreciate the light." Did you eat more than than 1025 by the end of the day? I was just worried because it sounds so little, especially when you burnt an amazing amount through exercise.
Glad that you're doing so well and I REALLY appreciate the supportive comment you left in my diary. Good luck with your battle of the bulge- it sounds to me like you're winning!
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voodoodoll
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 30 October 2007 04:08 pm |
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thanks heaven unfortunately i only managed 1025 yesterday. i know this is way too little so today im aiming to go for my 1500 cal target. i had a huge salad for lunch which was entirely vegetables and it only had 250 calories yet i literally had to leave some as it was so bulky! i can easily eat 3000 calories a day if it is from calorie dense rubbish yet as soon as i go ultra healthy and have vegetables and fruit i find it hard to reach my calorie targets. today that shouldnt be a problem though as i succumbed to a starbucks hot chocolate! however, the good news is that it didnt start a binge, instead ive just got home from uni, im going to work out how many calories it was and then burn off the extra calories at the gym!
i just looked and there were 400 calories in that starbucks hot chocolate i have certainly learnt my lesson now, thats almost an extra hour at the gym- guess i'd better get going! Last edited on 30 October 2007 04:14 pm by voodoodoll
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Nir
Senior Administrator
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Posted: 30 October 2007 04:36 pm |
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| Reminder: Our bodies need some fat. These things are not called Optional Fatty Acids. They are called Essential Fatty Acids . What are some good sources? Yes you've guessed it: olives, avocados, nuts and seeds. Careful use of these healthy but nutrient dense foods can get your calories up to any desired target.
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Heavenseventeen
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Posted: 30 October 2007 05:24 pm |
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You're at uni too- cool! Which yr are you in? I'm a first yr.
At least you know for next time so you'll be able to leave room for the 400 cals and still have a deficit. Well done on preventing a binge!
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monkey809
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 30 October 2007 05:30 pm |
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Voodoo,
Wow, you seem really dedicated. I like reading about how far you have come and boy do you burn a lot of calories excercising. Good Job.
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voodoodoll
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 30 October 2007 08:30 pm |
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hey nir-good idea on the nuts- though it kinda worries me that when you said eat nuts i thought immediately of chocolate covered peanuts (*hits head against brick wall* )- old ways die hard i guess! ive seen a decent selection of nuts at the local co-op. i might get some tomorrow and sort them out into 100 calorie bags, then i can try and make room for a bag a day and i'll be getting my essential fatty acids
hey heaven- yep im at uni too. im a law student at sheffield uni in my 3rd year. its kinda getting scary now as i have to make plans what to do when i leave. i went to a careers fair today and there are so many options! the legal profession is my first choice though so for now im just concentrating on my degree and applying for masters degree courses. the third year sure is scary though... i think i'll miss the safety net of education when i leave!
hey monkey- thanks for your post. i think the only good side to being obese is that i burn more calories than a thin person doing the same activity! lol
Day 136
crunchy nut corn flakes- 141
salad (lettuce, beetroot, beans, sweetcorn, peppers)- 250
hot chocolate- 400 
chicken breast, 2oz pasta, red pepper, onion, sweetcorn, mushrooms, garlic, tomato and basil sauce- 560
Total calories Consumed- 1351
exercise
walking- 20 mins- 124
swimming- 30 mins- 565
Total Calories Burnt Through Exercise- 689
i was annoyed i didnt swim further but got cramp in my toes after 30 mins and despite bending them back for the next 5 minutes the cramp kept happening. serves me right for walking round sheffield in shoes that are too small for me!
anyway, overall it was quite a good day but i am so so annoyed about that hot chocolate. but at least i brought the rest of my day back from diaster and actually ended up slightly under on calories again. i might remedy that by a yoghurt later on if i feel like it, but ive just had tea 20 mins ago so i might not be hungry again before bed. if i do eat anything else ill update it tomorrow.
right, there is an article on s38(1) of the Statue of the ECJ with my name on it.. that should keep me busy for the rest of the evening
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Scoobees
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Posted: 30 October 2007 11:41 pm |
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WOW! I'll bet that Starbuck's hot chocolate must have been delicious! For 400 calories - it should have been divine!!! A treat like that would give a lot of people (including me ) an excuse to out the rest of the day...but not only did you resist - you also came in under you calorie budget?! Congrats to you! You are doing an amazing job!
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Nir
Senior Administrator
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Posted: 31 October 2007 07:20 am |
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voodoodoll wrote: it kinda worries me that when you said eat nuts i thought immediately of chocolate covered peanuts (*hits head against brick wall* )
Funny how these things work, the moment I came across your post I suddenly thought about chocolate-covered brazil nuts (they have them at some pick-n-mixes) and set about preparing a healthy approximation for immediate consumption.
Ingredients:
1.1 grams cocoa powder
16.31 grams Textured Vegetable Protein (dried soya mince)
10.96 grams brazil nuts (that was 3 of them)
3 zero-calorie artificial sweetner tablets
boiling water from kettle
132 calories, 9.5g protein (28.8%), 7.8g fat (53.2%)
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voodoodoll
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 31 October 2007 10:24 am |
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hey scoobes- you are so right, the starbucks hazelnut hot chocolate was totally devine! i am amazed how i managed to come under my daily calories budget too, its worked out its actually a good job i had the hot chocolate or my daily calories would be around 950, way too low. i do love the fact that i can pretty much eat vegetables to my hearts content though and never have to worry about going over on calories
hey nir- wow, isnt it crazy that 3 chocolate brazil nuts have 132 calories! and to think i used to eat whole bags of chocolate peanuts before nd actually think they were healthy (well, they were nuts )- lol, i was so delusional!
had a nice lie in this morning and ive just got up and eaten grapes for breakfast. im in uni all day tomorrow so i need to to finish off my environmental law seminar which involves reading about 100 pages Gym is planned for the afternoon, im determined to have an awesome workout and come back exhausted
happy halloween everyone!  (ooh that reminds me, final weigh in for halloween challenge for me will be friday)
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Nir
Senior Administrator
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Posted: 31 October 2007 06:21 pm |
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voodoodoll wrote: hey nir- wow, isnt it crazy that 3 chocolate brazil nuts have 132 calories! and to think i used to eat whole bags of chocolate peanuts before nd actually think they were healthy (well, they were nuts )- lol, i was so delusional!
To be fair, the 3 brazils on their own were "only" 75 calories, the 132 calories was including everything (i.e. also included TVP and cocoa powder)
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DeterminedGal
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 31 October 2007 08:29 pm |
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Voodoodoll,
It looks like you're rocking along. Go, sister, go!
Happy Halloween!
DG
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voodoodoll
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 31 October 2007 09:09 pm |
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Day 137
grapes- 60
covent garden mushroom soup- 220
apple- 50
light crisps- 114
curry- 1000
Total Calories Consumed- 1444
exercise
3km rowing- 150 calories
10 mins elliptical- 100 calories
Total Calories Burnt Through Exercise- 250
i was way too low on calories earlier on today. when i went to the gym i felt very weak and not really up to exercising so i didnt burn too many calories. i actually decided after this to have curry for tea as normally when i have takeaway i go over my calorie target by miles but today i am still under! at least this way i got a guilt free takeaway which makes me more likely to stick to my calorie targets later on in the week when i can have something home cooked.
today showed me the importance of eating enough calories so i ensure im not too exhausted for exercise. it sure is a balancing act.
i'm in uni all day tomorrow but should be able to go to the gym in the evening. 1 day left till i weigh myself. i hope ive managed to undue the bad effects of earlier in the week.
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voodoodoll
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 2 November 2007 09:27 am |
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well i lost 1/2 a pound. so i guess thats a good thing as im back at 249lbs now but i'd hoped for more. the annoying thing about it is that i could have done awesome if i hadnt done so badly last night!! i feel really angry at myself as i was doing brilliantly till i got in from university absolutely exhausted and starving (due to lectures i had my lunch at 11am!) and i felt too tired to cook. so you guessed it- takeaway, and matt had some chocolate so i shared some too. so after 2 takeaways in a row, chocolate and a big jacket potato yesterday for lunch i undid a lot of the good work i was doing earlier in the week
so now i lay myself down a challenge: no takeaways for a week. there is no reason i cant do this. no reason at all except for my laziness! im sure my fast food consumption is one of the key problems with my weight loss, not only is it high in calories but it is high in salt which causes me to retain water. i think tackling my takeaway addiction is one of the only ways to make this work long term. and i never thought id admit that!
i was feeling quite dissapointed with myself till i had a skim back at the last week in my diary. and dispite a few good days together in the middle of the week, the rest weren't great, especially coupled with yesterdays bad food choices. now i dont feel disapointed, i feel mad and i understand why i havent lost weight. i just need to get back to basics with my diet, do everything right for a week and build my confidence back up. i am not going to quit at this so either i keep banging my head at a brick wall each week or i get it right- and getting it right will give me a lot less headache.
this week is the first of the end of year challenge. i need to figure out a goal weight to aim for and i've decided it will be 238. this an 11lb loss and will get me to the 17 stone mark for the start of 2008. i think 11lbs is achieveable if i manage to get myself into gear with my diet and exercise like i plan to.
Day 138
cereal- 141
jacket potato with cheese and beans- 650
malteasers- 190
sweet and sour chinese- 1000
aero bubbles- 600
Total Calories Consumed- 2581 ouch!
no exercise
looking at that there is no wonder the scale isnt budging much today! but anyway, new week, new challenges!
today i am not in unversity so this will give me time to hit the gym and have a really awesome work out. i will probably do about an hours swimming which burns loads of calories rest of the day is going to be spent writing an unassessed 1200 word essay, as i have 3 other seminars to prepare for this weekend i dont have any longer than a day to spend writing my essay. this will certainly mean my essay isnt up to normal standard but as it doesnt count to my grade and its not compulsary i'm mainly doing it to get some feedback. it will be a rush to get it all done in 1 day though considering the research involved.
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abnormalapathy
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 2 November 2007 12:19 pm |
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| Congrats on the half pound loss! Every little bit helps in the long run. :)
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